Have you ever wondered if the person you are dating is really worth your time and effort? If so, you are not alone.
It just isn’t the “time” issue people stress about either (“I’ve been with him for x-number of years. That’s gotta count for something!”), many also fear investing too much of themselves in a relationship only to have it fall apart—and by extension their hearts.
But, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You don’t always have to learn the “hard way.” Not that the hard way is wrong, but waiting out a relationship to see if it will be successful or found wanting is one method…another may be potentially far easier.
Interestingly, this “easier method” is all about energy. But instead of E=MC2, I’m turning to a law of thermodynamics, well kind of.
This Asshole Is Draining My Energy
Have you ever noticed how some people naturally seem drain your energy while others seem to fill you with it? Paying attention to these subtleties of self will assist you in making wiser decisions about the people you date.
Like the people who inherently drain you of your energy, a relationship that leaves you feeling drained will be unsuccessful, at least presumably. The reverse is also true.
It is that simple.
I’ll elaborate. If the energy you put in is either one-directional (you give it all and she or he gives you nothing back) or the energy you contribute is negative, what you get back will also be negative. It is the perfect recipe for creating a deficit. Like begets like.
And what is negative energy? Fighting. Stress. Arguing. Sadness. Anger. Grudges. Jealousy. It hides in these and similar forms.
Consider the following scenarios:
Guy texts girl. Girl doesn’t answer. Guy texts again, waits some time, then calls, and so forth. Guy spends the entire night in anxiety, worrying about why girl isn’t answering. Girl doesn’t respond until next day and offers lame excuse for her silence.
Couple makes plans to hang out. As per usual, after a short while both people are bickering, nit-picking, and getting into a fight. Both leave feeling depleted and fed up…yet neither one will end things.
Girl doesn’t know for sure how guy feels about her. Girl analyses every word, text, phone call that was ever exchanged. Girl goes out with friends and then analyses everything with them all over again, just to get a second opinion.
As you can well see, this exchange of negative energy or the draining of energy applies even if you are not physically with the person you are dating.
Whether expressed in anxious thoughts about the other person or the relationship (“Why does she always do this?”, “Where is this going?”, “Why doesn’t he like me?”), or if you are in a lovely relationshit, all of that detrimental energy flowing out of you is either coming back equally, or you are giving and giving and never receiving.
The result? You erode from the inside out.
It’s Not All Bad
Of course, the opposite is also true when determining good relationships. When two people both bring positive energy to the table and leave each other replenished, that’s an excellent mark of a relationship worth pursuing.
You give as much as you take. More specifically, you don’t need their energy to be happy (another issue all on its own). Your energies simply flow back and forth in a way that’s healthy for each of you.
However, the crux of this understanding only truly becomes useful in action. Are you going to persist in an energy-draining situation or relationship? Or are you going to trust your sense of self and be strong enough to walk away knowing there is something better around the corner, something that enriches and energizes.
If you are experiencing this drain of energy, it’s entirely up to you to do something about it. You can either wait it out, or you can acknowledge that at least perhaps right now, it just isn’t meant to be.
So the next time you find yourself questioning a relationship, think of energy and what it teaches us about life; ask yourself these questions:
Does (insert name here) bring out the best in me? Do we bring out the best in each other? Am I spending time I can’t ever get back worrying about the relationship, _________, or me? Does _________ leave me feeling drained or energized?
The answers to those questions should help guide you when deciding if the person you are dating is worth it—whether it is brand new or years old.
But always remember, there is no right or wrong answer. As well, things can change between people, and this system isn’t foolproof.
Best of all, take heart knowing that whatever decision you make will sculpt you in a way that needed a bit of shaping. It will teach you something about yourself and humanity you didn’t know before.
And you really can’t ask for more than that.
Photo Credit: Darth Grader by JD Hancock